What a Way to Go: Network

The Wow is just the first part of Volume II of Endgame I've read today. I'd have read more, but I want you to know that I came across the chapter called "Abusers" and had the wildest epiphany about myself from the content in that chapter.

I've lived a life of abuse myself. All throughout my life, however, I had nothing but hatred for my abusers. Anger, rage, hatred. But at nobody else. I was never strong enough physically to do anything about it, nor would I ever be able to get anybody to give a flying shit about it to help me. They kept saying I had to learn to fight back, but fighting back made the big people beat me worse, and I just got sick of it. I didn't become a pacifist. I just got sick of it all together and avoided it as often as possible. But I hated them. And the rage it me is built up for this purpose.

As I was reading him talking about the abused usually going along with caring more for the feelings of the abuser, I'm sitting there thinking, "You gotta be kidding me!" Now it all makes sense, what I've seen people do in this civilization of abuse, why I cannot relate to anybody, why I'm sick of it all, and why I've never been able to find favor with anyone. I wouldn't be equally abusive. I can't fit in, therefore.

The fact is, all this time I've been regarded by people as the bad kid, when I kept thinking, "Are these people fucking nuts???" Now I understand. But more than anything, in line of all the times I tried to earn their acceptance, I couldn't bring myself to cave in to what it was they expected. My "loser" status is earned proudly through the keeping of my conviction not to be what they are. In other words, all this time I didn't realize how strong I've been, and how much I've survived not just outwardly but inwardly.

In other words, I apparently rock and stuff. Wow, who'dathunk?

And now for the whoopee, which of course is said in sarcasm, with finger twiddled in the air, and eyes rolled. As promised, I illegally downloaded and watched (because that's what I do, but not due to any encouragement or prompting by anybody here at this fine website of absolute honesty and goodness and absolutely NO TERRORIST ACTIVITY WHATSOEVER) the Al Gore movie, "An Ill Considered Truth" or whatever it's called.

All I can say is, there was some damned fine stuff said and demonstrated in that film, and I'm surprised to give it a compliment. Really I am. I see now why the Onion said what they did about why it won:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/gore_wins_oscar_nobel_peace_prize
(Hee hee, this the funniest thing you'll read today, I promise)

All pomp and pretty, no substance. Other than the points he makes, you know... when he's not busy standing in comic book hero poses and fluffing himself up for the camera to look heroic, and shame on you for not electing me president and all. I don't need his guilt trip. I don't even like him. I was glad Bush won because of that fact, and the fact that those who are angry and protesting now would probably be laying back and doing nothing when he would do all the same crap. I would rather have unhappy sheep then content sheep, put it that way.

I just wanted to throw things at the screen and say, "You know, Al, all this time you're wasting pretending to be Florence Frickin' Nightengale could be spent making more important points about more than just the tiny few things you pretend to care about! Now if this had been created by someone who truly gave a shit, it'd have been called "Inconvenient Truths" and would've had more substance. You know, like Tim & Sally's films. With the rest of the story (sorry, had a Paul Harvey hotflash there, won't happen again).

Anyways, that's me... Wow to Derrick, Whoopee to Al, and... holy shit, did I just criticize Al for puffing himself up just after puffing myself up? Shhhhh....... we'll just pretend I didn't, k? Thanks!